Here We Go

  So, I'm confused. And not just about why I have to re-create a blog address for each blog(fixed 6/26/2011). It would be easier to just have one blog page and then write however many blogs you want on said page and everyone would be happy. Though I guess that would make it a little more like Myspace, having a main page with separate sections for each thing(blog).
  Anyways, here's the other thing I'm confused about. How do you get people to trust you? I know, I know years and years of trustworthy behavior and not giving people a reason to doubt you or your capabilities. Yes I'm human, no I can't master every craft and/or language within five minutes of trying/seeing it for the first time and I make small mistakes every now and then. Whoop-di-freakin'-do. Who HASN'T made a mistake??(Jesus) And you know what makes it harder to do everything right? When you don't receive enough instruction, or the kind of instruction to let you know what to do. Here's an extreme example of that: If you're teaching a blind person how to read Braille, you're not going to let them feel the bump that represents "A" then point to the text letter "A" and say "These are the same thing.". NO! You are going to understand that they need a different kind of instruction so you are going to cater to their needs in order to teach them.(done with that example) For people who aren't blind, they have no learning or physical handicap,guess what. Some of them are going to learn differently then others. Why? Because EVERYONE is different. Therefore we must cater to their individual needs, to the best of our ability to do so. We are not or should not try using one method of teaching to teach everyone. It may be hard, but that's okay.
  So there's all of that and guess what? That's not all. So back to the issue of getting someone to trust you. If you have done all that you know how to do for years(for me it'd be about 20, 11 at least) and proven yourself reliable and faithful time and time again AND been rewarded for that by someone, you would expect that person to trust you. Apparently people are a mystery because the person that I am specifically talking about still doesn't trust me or try to teach me according to how I am best suited to be taught. I guess that responsibility falls to me also then... I'm tired of it. Yes I am destined for leadership, yes I desire it. But no, NO I want it to be handed  down to me not dropped completely and I have to scramble to catch it and pick and pieces of it before I can put it back together again(as best as I can, because I don't even know what it actually looks like) My heart and soul cry out for this, for responsibility and authority to be handed down, not dropped and left collecting dust until I decide that my heart is ready to be further destroyed because I have to pick up authority and responsibility the wrong way because no one is there to hand it down.
  That is what kills the heart of the Beloved Son, or has been killing it in me. To see the tragedy of things left decaying and untouched with no one holding it, especially when I watch the person that should be carrying it continue to saunter down a road of passivity and... what, what how to say it? Hopelessness?Not-caring?Bleghh...?  I have a heart in me, I CARE for people, if I am able I will do all that I can to save them or help live their lives without something missing because someone isn't carrying their responsibility and shows no intention of picking it up. That's what kills me, carrying what I shouldn't because no one else will and people will get hurt if it's not being carried. Maybe that's what I have to do. Stop, just stop taking care of other people's responsibilities and let them see all the pain and chaos it will cause. 'OOoohh! Yes and then when they confront me about why I stopped I can throw it back into their face and say "Because I got tired of doing your job and thought that this was the only way to get your attention so that you would know what was needed."[All of the italicized stuff is dripping with sarcasm, though it is still true... sadly...]'  I don't know if I can do that though. That would be the hardest thing I have ever done, and 'm scared of what will happen, scared of hurting all those people. What if I'm the reason they fall away or bear scars for life of the unnecessary pain that I caused?
  Anyways, that's what I'm confused about, and scared about. I'm off for now, I'll be back sometime.