So, it's late June, in about 8 weeks the five members of my MC class that came for a second year will be back at their homes, and I will be getting started with college life. So many things will start changing, well they've already started to change, that's just when everyone will really see it. I was thinking about this and I started thinking about what I will miss when they're gone. The talks, the stupid stuff, and the times when we just get to be together and not really have to worry about other things or what others might think. I know that during our MC year there were things I missed, opportunities not taken because I was afraid or bound in such a way I couldn't do it. So I do miss some things from then, but not too much because I don't want to live in the past, I want to remember and learn from it so that my now and future will somehow be better.
All this stuff got a question rolling through my head "What will you miss?". When people are gone, and things are no longer the same, what will you miss? It's a pretty weighty question. Because it's just not about the thing or the activity, it's about the person that made it special, memorable. So I guess that makes it, "Who will you miss?" but that doesn't seem to carry the same amount of weight. Because you will miss different people different amounts and in different ways. And you have people like me, who miss people a lot, but don't seem to be missed, people who choose to try hard enough to keep people from maybe missing them because they're scared of finding out that they aren't. Which really sucks, because then you become needy(at least somewhat) and wonder what's going on when you hear about others being told they're missed, but *strangely* you haven't heard anything like that.
Anyways, back to the question, it makes me think apocalyptic. If the end of the world was tomorrow, what would you miss? What would you choose to do, and with who? I know that these questions usually prompt the last-ditch answers like: break laws, profess love to secret crushes, jump off a mountain, etc. and so forth.
I don't care about that stuff(well not in this context) those are the answers as if everything will end. What if everything doesn't end, just the world does? Strange thought huh? The end of the world doesn't mean the end of everything. This question prompts a whole system of prioritizing what you do into the things that really matter the most to you. Sure, you might not go plant a tree to help the Earth, but you might go climb one with some friends and for a little while regain part of your childhood. Sure, you might not take the one you love on an airplane to an exotic country to enjoy a meal while you serenade them in the native language, but you might take the time to write a note saying how much you care about them then go watch a sunset/rise together.
Throughout Ecclesiastes Solomon talks about how he has searched out everything under the sun(outside of Christ) and found everything to be meaningless except to eat, drink, and enjoy life. It's not the extravagant things that are most important, it's the simple things. The times of touching someone else's heart is worth so very very much more then touching their soul. That is what needs to be done. And it may be just a hunch, but I believe that that is what will be missed too.
So. What will you miss? and What are you going to do about it?
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Here We Go
So, I'm confused. And not just about why I have to re-create a blog address for each blog(fixed 6/26/2011). It would be easier to just have one blog page and then write however many blogs you want on said page and everyone would be happy. Though I guess that would make it a little more like Myspace, having a main page with separate sections for each thing(blog).
Anyways, here's the other thing I'm confused about. How do you get people to trust you? I know, I know years and years of trustworthy behavior and not giving people a reason to doubt you or your capabilities. Yes I'm human, no I can't master every craft and/or language within five minutes of trying/seeing it for the first time and I make small mistakes every now and then. Whoop-di-freakin'-do. Who HASN'T made a mistake??(Jesus) And you know what makes it harder to do everything right? When you don't receive enough instruction, or the kind of instruction to let you know what to do. Here's an extreme example of that: If you're teaching a blind person how to read Braille, you're not going to let them feel the bump that represents "A" then point to the text letter "A" and say "These are the same thing.". NO! You are going to understand that they need a different kind of instruction so you are going to cater to their needs in order to teach them.(done with that example) For people who aren't blind, they have no learning or physical handicap,guess what. Some of them are going to learn differently then others. Why? Because EVERYONE is different. Therefore we must cater to their individual needs, to the best of our ability to do so. We are not or should not try using one method of teaching to teach everyone. It may be hard, but that's okay.
So there's all of that and guess what? That's not all. So back to the issue of getting someone to trust you. If you have done all that you know how to do for years(for me it'd be about 20, 11 at least) and proven yourself reliable and faithful time and time again AND been rewarded for that by someone, you would expect that person to trust you. Apparently people are a mystery because the person that I am specifically talking about still doesn't trust me or try to teach me according to how I am best suited to be taught. I guess that responsibility falls to me also then... I'm tired of it. Yes I am destined for leadership, yes I desire it. But no, NO I want it to be handed down to me not dropped completely and I have to scramble to catch it and pick and pieces of it before I can put it back together again(as best as I can, because I don't even know what it actually looks like) My heart and soul cry out for this, for responsibility and authority to be handed down, not dropped and left collecting dust until I decide that my heart is ready to be further destroyed because I have to pick up authority and responsibility the wrong way because no one is there to hand it down.
That is what kills the heart of the Beloved Son, or has been killing it in me. To see the tragedy of things left decaying and untouched with no one holding it, especially when I watch the person that should be carrying it continue to saunter down a road of passivity and... what, what how to say it? Hopelessness?Not-caring?Bleghh...? I have a heart in me, I CARE for people, if I am able I will do all that I can to save them or help live their lives without something missing because someone isn't carrying their responsibility and shows no intention of picking it up. That's what kills me, carrying what I shouldn't because no one else will and people will get hurt if it's not being carried. Maybe that's what I have to do. Stop, just stop taking care of other people's responsibilities and let them see all the pain and chaos it will cause. 'OOoohh! Yes and then when they confront me about why I stopped I can throw it back into their face and say "Because I got tired of doing your job and thought that this was the only way to get your attention so that you would know what was needed."[All of the italicized stuff is dripping with sarcasm, though it is still true... sadly...]' I don't know if I can do that though. That would be the hardest thing I have ever done, and 'm scared of what will happen, scared of hurting all those people. What if I'm the reason they fall away or bear scars for life of the unnecessary pain that I caused?
Anyways, that's what I'm confused about, and scared about. I'm off for now, I'll be back sometime.
Anyways, here's the other thing I'm confused about. How do you get people to trust you? I know, I know years and years of trustworthy behavior and not giving people a reason to doubt you or your capabilities. Yes I'm human, no I can't master every craft and/or language within five minutes of trying/seeing it for the first time and I make small mistakes every now and then. Whoop-di-freakin'-do. Who HASN'T made a mistake??(Jesus) And you know what makes it harder to do everything right? When you don't receive enough instruction, or the kind of instruction to let you know what to do. Here's an extreme example of that: If you're teaching a blind person how to read Braille, you're not going to let them feel the bump that represents "A" then point to the text letter "A" and say "These are the same thing.". NO! You are going to understand that they need a different kind of instruction so you are going to cater to their needs in order to teach them.(done with that example) For people who aren't blind, they have no learning or physical handicap,guess what. Some of them are going to learn differently then others. Why? Because EVERYONE is different. Therefore we must cater to their individual needs, to the best of our ability to do so. We are not or should not try using one method of teaching to teach everyone. It may be hard, but that's okay.
So there's all of that and guess what? That's not all. So back to the issue of getting someone to trust you. If you have done all that you know how to do for years(for me it'd be about 20, 11 at least) and proven yourself reliable and faithful time and time again AND been rewarded for that by someone, you would expect that person to trust you. Apparently people are a mystery because the person that I am specifically talking about still doesn't trust me or try to teach me according to how I am best suited to be taught. I guess that responsibility falls to me also then... I'm tired of it. Yes I am destined for leadership, yes I desire it. But no, NO I want it to be handed down to me not dropped completely and I have to scramble to catch it and pick and pieces of it before I can put it back together again(as best as I can, because I don't even know what it actually looks like) My heart and soul cry out for this, for responsibility and authority to be handed down, not dropped and left collecting dust until I decide that my heart is ready to be further destroyed because I have to pick up authority and responsibility the wrong way because no one is there to hand it down.
That is what kills the heart of the Beloved Son, or has been killing it in me. To see the tragedy of things left decaying and untouched with no one holding it, especially when I watch the person that should be carrying it continue to saunter down a road of passivity and... what, what how to say it? Hopelessness?Not-caring?Bleghh...? I have a heart in me, I CARE for people, if I am able I will do all that I can to save them or help live their lives without something missing because someone isn't carrying their responsibility and shows no intention of picking it up. That's what kills me, carrying what I shouldn't because no one else will and people will get hurt if it's not being carried. Maybe that's what I have to do. Stop, just stop taking care of other people's responsibilities and let them see all the pain and chaos it will cause. 'OOoohh! Yes and then when they confront me about why I stopped I can throw it back into their face and say "Because I got tired of doing your job and thought that this was the only way to get your attention so that you would know what was needed."[All of the italicized stuff is dripping with sarcasm, though it is still true... sadly...]' I don't know if I can do that though. That would be the hardest thing I have ever done, and 'm scared of what will happen, scared of hurting all those people. What if I'm the reason they fall away or bear scars for life of the unnecessary pain that I caused?
Anyways, that's what I'm confused about, and scared about. I'm off for now, I'll be back sometime.
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